To a younger Riley

Not by much, but I saw you saying this about something you said once,
I wrote the first part like four months ago.
Then the rest would've been sixteen months ago.
and I wanted to share it with everyone...


"So, I wrote this bit a year ago, probably on a sleepless-distracted night much like this one. Reading it over, I find that even though a lot has changed over the last year, pretty much all of it still rings true.

'See, I'm spread between a newspaper job, friends, writing letters, calling home, passing classes, sleeping enough, eating well (enough), editing videos, filming videos, documenting my life (this?), and pursuing a relationship with my spiritual life. It's a lot. Most days, I don't feel like I'm focusing on any one thing. It's as if I'm just piddling about in the pursuit of a college degree so I have my sea legs once I shove off for the new land (ah, the mysteries of the future).

The catch then becomes, in my piddling, I feel unfounded in the pursuit of any one of those aspects of my life. Because I am unfounded in any one of those pursuits, I cannot make significant growth towards any one of my pursuits, and as such, have nothing in-depth to write about besides the aforementioned piddle practice that I'm becoming so proficient with."

To this, Riley, I say, 
It will become clear.
You will
Make your decision and be willing to commit.
Yes, commitment is the death of possibility,
I know that's what you're afraid of. 
I heard you say it every night.
And you know what's coming next.

What is the value of money if you never spend it?
What is the value of all those choices if you never choose anything?
You're worrying that they'll all slip away,
or worse yet, you'll choose the wrong one.
And that worry is just making more noise
You're afraid of regret just as much as life passing you by.

But you're missing the point.
You can grow even from the wrong choices.
They can make you stronger.
Be thoughtful
But this worrying
(that still hasn't gone all the way away)
Will quiet 
with focus.

You will find hope for peace once your piddling brings you to God.
At least for as long as you allow.
That's the cool thing about choices.
You don't HAVE to do anything.
Except die. And pay taxes.
But
God will bring you all those things you're really looking for.
He's started to already.
Even amidst all of the changes.
And He'll let you DO all of those things you want, in addition to giving you that satisfaction.
Only without your pride.
Your pride.
Is awful.

Keep forgetting it.
Focus on love.

The ideas surrounding this God person will give you hope in finding 
something lasting long enough to matter
In filling yourself with
Love
for everyone around you
Bringing all the love you were given back to the world.
And it won't be for you, either,
It won't be some proud march,
Conquest,
Mission,
Goal,
No, it will be God's.

This will give you purpose
Focus

Your values will become clearer,
You'll learn how to stand on a desk.