Whimsy Reflecting on Misfortune in a Time of Uncertainty

An open letter to Beloved humans:

It's worth prefacing this whole account by saying I've been intending to get a "dumb phone" as a replacement for when my current smart phone gave out. And my smart phone was certainly on its way out.

My car got stolen (for a second time since June 2019) on Valentine's (Yes I did have a date planned and the plans fell through and also my brother was stranded to the bus system at the train station).

I found my car a week later (three blocks from my house) with the ignition ripped out and I had it towed. While trying to fix it in the driveway, I dropped my phone on the driveway, which brought the impending "What phone will Riley get?" decision moment which I was avoiding TO THE FOREFRONT.

and I decided to get a SMARTER phone.

Decisions have been made. I am going to be the owner of my first iPhone! Getting a refurbished iPhone 7 instead of a slider phone.

Nophone life, however brief, was interesting, lasting from Saturday until Thursday (during which time my laptop hard drive decided to give out). I'm noticing there's anticipation for new phone
and some habit, some tick that wants to CHECK something. But not having a phone gives that tick PERMISSION to RELAX. Like "nothin' I could do, boss! Phone was all gone, I did my best, I have relieved my responsibilities for connectedness."

Ahh.

Noticing not having a phone is generally more of a relief than a stress, at least for a while. I'm wondering how I can build boundaries with myself to continue this practice of relief into having-a-phone-life, even if it's sometimes. If I could reinforce some inner discipline to create an inner-sanctum.

(Without a phone like I CAN'T do ANYTHING and so I'm less anxious to TRY to do EVERYTHING. This feels like the crux.)

Having no phone feels as if there is no requirement for an inner boundary, or self-discipline.

I'm limited by the circumstance and the circumstance is teaching me a new way to relax
that I usually don't allow?

[Hello Coronavirus?]

When the circumstance changes [cough cough]
When I have a phone within my reach

I am the holder of the limits, rather than the circumstance.

I'm wondering if I could use a self-boundary to bring in that rest. What would it look like if I could give my permission to myself to release that responsibility, even just to recover?

Does the feeling of spacing myself from my phone call on the experience of losing my phone to teach my body how to relax? Can I self-guide myself to recreate this sense of "ah, I don't have a phone, I couldn't even if I wanted to, I am free of this responsibility."

Reflecting on this is a joyful exercise.

(a socially distanced hug)
Riley